Write-as-you-think-journal: entry

For today’s post I am posting an entry from my write-as-you-think journal. It won’t be much fun, seeing that I am not in such a funny mood—in fact, just the opposite. It is very difficult to write when you are in this kind of mood, but as I often tell myself, the mark of a writer is not how he or she writes on days when writing comes easy, but instead on days when pushing each word on to paper or the keyword is a long, hard struggle. Just a few days ago, I had one such day, most of which I spent alone: writing and re-rewriting the same three lines over and over again. And just when I thought I had got the best three lines at the end of the day, I forgot to save changes, and there I was, back to square one! But never mind, that is the point of a write-as-you-think journal, where you put in exactly what your mind dredges up at the minute. In fact, by some strange association, I have begun to think of death, of a day when I exist no more. But a part of me knows that a part of me is already no more. My cells have renewed over the years, my hair cells, my skin cells, the cells in my hair— none of them are the same as when I was born. They have divided, multiplied and changed beyond recognition. They have died a million deaths, witnessed a million births, and with every inhalation my body has seen a new birth and every exhalation a new death. The day this constant renewal is no more, I will be no more. But so much of me has already passed, and so much of me is to pass away. Despite myself, I often find these periods of acceptance, where I can see into the nature of life, and of death. If only these periods would become my constant state of mind.

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11 comments

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  1. rick

    Funny how we can enter a conversation in cybrespace, drift away, and then pick it up weeks later. I would love to read anything you have written. Please do provide links or email me something. I felt quite shy when I started posting a few months ago but it seemed that if I wanted to take my writing to the next level I was going to have to begin sharing. The response has been generally kind and feedback useful.

    As to death…I think of the song “o death” by ralph stanley

  2. Jeques

    Yeah, I egree. For every day in life is a series of micro deaths and re-births. the question is, did we live or just die today?

    I wish you well.

    ~ Jeques

  3. DG

    Thanks for the words of solace and wisdom, Paul, I really need them just about now. It is such a pleasure o have you back on my blog, and I do hope you come back as often as you can!

  4. Paul

    First of all, you’re right to push ahead even on days when writing is drudgery or a chore. It’s like exercise, I guess. Weight-lifting, for example, builds muscle as you force your way through pain and cause minute damage to your muscle fibres. Yikes…I just re-read that -don’t let my analogy discourage you 🙂 I loved your reflections about the ongoing birth and death we experience between our actual birth and death. When we get caught up in these moods at certain periods in our lives, they can weigh on us a bit, but I will dare to predict that after death, while you may “be no more” in a cellular sense, you will continue on in a happy and more advanced state. Not a new idea…a strong hunch nonetheless 😉

  5. DG

    Rick, I have been writing in bits and pieces.

    I am in the process of researching a novel, and for the most part have written a few shrt stories, flash fiction, and a whole lot of poetry, about which I am terribly shy.

    I can email you a link or two, or even some of the work if you like.

    But I am absolutely awkward about it:(

  6. DG

    Thanks, Indigo. I am so so thinking about death right now, and hoping for a sense of acceptance to slowly find its way into my heart.

  7. rick mobbs

    Hi DG, where is that fiction you are aspiring to write? Any pieces or snippets or fragments we can read yet? I am sure you can write anything you put your mind to.

    Rick

  8. DG

    Well, more or less something on writers, and writing. Or even a writer website for myself.

    In a bit of a limbo at the moment, but slowly trying to drive traffic to my two blogs and experimenting with Adsense to see what I can learn.