Thanks to Alex J. Cavanaugh for organizing and hosting the Insecure Writers Support Group every month. Go to his blog to see the other participants, and understand what the group is all about.
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I’ve been away the past two weeks, traveling, writing, offline. I wrote the last two chapters of my novel. They came easily, but also gave me a lot of anguish. I don’t know how much of myself I’ve put in the novel, in the characters, or the plot, but it is clear that parts of it upset me. The darkness of the subject matter, I suppose. Nearly all my writing has dark undertones. Though I almost always end on a note of hope, it is definitely painful for me and those who live with me!
This time, I had a beautiful horizon to gaze at while I wrote (thanks to a very kind Malaysian friend who lives in front of this view), so the words came easier. Something about gazing at the open seas makes me feel small, unimportant, and with little responsibility. That’s how I want to feel sometimes — because then the onus of finishing, say, a 91,000-word manuscript, is not so much on me. The sunsets were gorgeous, and made me think not-so-sadly of the sunset of my characters.
I lay down and did not get up for four days after I finished, flattened out by a series of backaches and headaches after I came back home. No amount of stretching and medication helped, so I went into hibernation. I’ve emerged after the weekend, shaky, sore, and ready to take on the world. I’m not sure what caused the systemic breakdown, but I’m glad it’s over.
Now, a break while I brush my blogs (namely, the A to Z Challenge — sign up now, if you haven’t already!), short stories, my reading, and my life. Then it is back to the novel — the grind of revisions, of edits, re-writes, more revisions.
What have You been up to in the last month?
I felt so…confused when I finished my novel. I remember typing the last sentence, staring at the screen for a few seconds and then opening a new document and immediately starting my next one! (I was a bit overtired that night haha)
Not a professional write but I can relate the experience after accomplishing a major project. Yes I do take a break before the jitter starts about how it will perform in production.
I’m all jittery, Yatin, so I’ve decided not to think about it for a month. I’m hoping that will help!
Like, “Cool! Um… What now?”
There was that, too.
Glad it inspired you to write even if the process was painful.
I was glad too. At least now I can say I’m capable of finishing a novel draft!
Actually, you never finish a novel until it’s published and then it’s too late. Thanks for the kind words on Recovering
That’s the way I feel about my short stories, Jack. I hope it isn’t the same for novels 🙂
Oh, man–congrats on finishing your book, and if it took that much out of you, I bet it’s FABULOUS. Sorry though, about the painful post-mortem! I do envy your setting there…
Thanks, Hart. My book is a long way from being fabulous right now. But I’ll be working at it 🙂
Do you think it could be grief, or similar to having an art show, I feel exhaustes almost like giving birth.
Yes, Janet, it is exhausting, but only afterwards.
My thought echo Carissa’s. I’ve finished two novels and I always feel a bit nonplussed at the end, expecting it to have been more of a grand event. It’s very exciting, because I know the end for months and am working toward it. But once ‘The End’ is written, I’m like ‘Meh. What do I do now?’
Gargi, my experience echoes yours, only instead of Meh I said a lot of Ouches! Where can I find your novels — going by your blog, I know already I would love them!
Erm…they’re not published – and it’s probably best for the world that way! If you feel up to this (self-inflicted) torture we can surely swap chapters!
Would love to. You’re more or less the ideal beta-reader for my book :). Write me at atozstories at gmail dot com ?
Done!
It’s awesome that you finished your manuscript. I keep saying I am going to write my book and have just never started. This month I finished up another graduate course. Classes always keep me busy.
Visiting from A to Z Challenge. This is my first year participating.
Transformed Nonconformist
Classes need to be attended, too. I did my share of them,long ago 🙂
Welcome on board the challenge! Your blog would never be the same again!
I always feel a little deflated when I finish a writing project. I think somehow, in my mind, I build up this grand idea of what it will feel like when I finish. That I’ll be elated and excited and relieved … and I build it up so much that when it finally comes time, what I feel just falls a little flat. But in the aftermath – after I collapse for awhile and immerse myself in baking or crafting or a holiday or sleep … then I start to like it again.
I think this is what happened to me, too. I was working on pure adrenalin for months, and in the end, I just collapsed.
I’m glad for the progress you’ve made. I wish I could say the same. I’ve been spending a lot of frustrating and circular time trying to get my computer working in optimal order for April. I think my computer is actually making me ill at times. Scary.
Lee
Writers Workshop
An A to Z Co-host blog
Lee, so sorry to hear that. Would you consider replacing your computer? Nothing is worth making you ill.
My current financial situation prevents me from investing in a new computer at this time and actually my current computer is probably fine–I just don’t know enough about computers to effectively fix it quickly. This will be my #iwsg post tomorrow in fact.
And this specific computer is not making me ill, but I think excessive time is having a somewhat ill effect–too much time sitting, looking at the screen, and all the other computer related things. I’ve started dreaming computers at night and thinking in computer format. It’s like a science fiction story. I’m addicted–it’s a love/hate relationship. But maybe not as bad as I’m making it sound.
Lee
Wishing you all the best with your computer than. I’m just thinking, with AZ, your addiction is going to get So much worse!
I haven’t begun my first rewrite yet — wish you luck with your book!
I can’t wait to finish mine. I am working on its 200th rewrite. I should finish in a couple weeks then off it goes to beta readers!
I always feel a little lost when I finish a novel. It’s like Now what? After so long working on one story it can feel surreal to have the first draft finished.
Patricia, I felt that for a bit…and still have no idea how I would feel about the revisions.