This isn’t a relationship blog, so yes, the question I ask is a bit out of the blue.
But after the recent Santa Barbara shootout (where the killer who had failed to get the attention of girls, stabbed and shot people due to ‘loneliness, rejection and unfulfilled desires ‘ , one of the responses really caught my attention.
It’s worth the time to read it in its entirety, but I’m quoting here the significant bits:
“the overall problem is one of a culture where instead of seeing women as, you know, people, protagonists of their own stories just like we are of ours, men are taught that women are things to “earn,” to “win.” That if we try hard enough and persist long enough, we’ll get the girl in the end. Like life is a video game and women, like money and status, are just part of the reward we get for doing well….
….other people’s bodies and other people’s love are not something that can be taken nor even something that can be earned—they can be given freely, by choice, or not.“
I’ve met my share of men who don’t get rejection. I’ve met girls obsessing over guys who didn’t know said girls existed. I still know kids who’re going through the same struggles. I used to be a nerd myself, always more interested in books than people.
With the years, now, the (entirely subjective) solution to finding the right romantic partner/ husband/ wife is very clear to me, and this is what I’d tell my 16-year old self:
Find the folks who have the same interests as you, and you’ll never be alone. Make friends with people from the gender you’d like to go out with. If a girl can be friends with some boys, she can always find a boy she can have a relationship with. Same goes for a boy. Learn to respect the person you want a relationship with.
Kindness and compassion are the best qualities to look out for in a person if you’re looking for a long term relationship. Looks fade over time, as does stuff like popularity.
In my WIP I have three adolescents, one of whom has trouble fitting in. I’m wondering what sort of advice his parents/ older self should give him. What would you say to your 16-year old self about finding friends, and lovers?
Today’s Bloggers I recommend visiting!
As part of helping spread the love in my community, I recommend three bloggers on each post, and today’s bloggers are:
Keith Channing: I really enjoy his photographs and the accounts of his life in close communion with nature. Put him on your blogroll, and you won’t regret it.
Rosie Amber: A blogger more supportive of the writing community is hard to find. She uses her blog to support authors of all sorts of books.
Peter Nena: Amazing horror writer, kind friend. Follow him for some spine-chilling stories.
Now, go make friends with these amazing bloggers!