Writer’s Wednesday and Bringing Amazon Trolls to Justice on National Wormhole Day

Nutschell is featuring me for her Wednesday Writer’s Workspace today, and I’m not a little alarmed that I’ve sent her a pic of my workspace! I also dole out writing advice and such, in the feature (heaven forgive me!). Please go say a kind word so I don’t utterly embarrass myself.
On a brighter note, today is on Einstein’s birthday, and Stephen Tremp, Laura Eno, and LG Smith are hosting the National Wormhole Day Blogfest. They want us to answer a simple question:

What would you do or where would you go if you could traverse a wormhole through space or time just once? Tell us in as little as 100 words what
you would do with your round-trip wormhole ticket. Or use your entire
post. It’s up to you!

If I could go through a wormhole, I wouldn’t just go through one. I shall be an Amazon Troll-hunting superhero, traveling through space and time to find the obnoxious folks who write 1-star Amazon reviews and the ones who pay to get them written.

Writers being carpet-bombed shall send out a distress signal the moment they spot an incoming troll review, and I shall fly at supersonic speeds to catch the cash-strapped, morally bankrupt, hapless troll; the evil, unfortunate, review mill owner; and the scheming little rat who paid for it all, and expose each of them in turn for who they are.

Sound good? If I indeed get said superpowers some day, I’ll need a cool-sounding name, a latex uniform, and a lot of back-story as to how I got said powers. I need suggestions  in the comments!

(I see a few incredulous folks in the comments about the existence of fake reviews. Read this, please.)

I love comments, and I always visit back. Blogging is all about being a part of a community, and communities are about communication! Tweet me up @damyantig !

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Add Yours
  1. michelle

    I think every writer would cheer you on!
    Heck I'll even lead the cheer leading squad, complete with latex designer outfits, pom-poms, a crazy dance routine and awesome war cries!

  2. Shell Flower

    Perhaps the backstory could be a great novelist with an evil rival who has ruined her career with one-star reviews. One day, she reads a book that gives her great powers and she becomes Review Redeemer, boldly clearing Amazonia of evil.

  3. meradeth

    I love this idea! Totally has m giggling and wishing it were true 🙂 Im voting for a wand–everything is a little more fun with magic!

  4. Li

    I'm with "mshatch" – go after ALL paid or fake reviews. (For that, of course, one of your powers would have to be the ability to "see" which ones are fake.) Fun post!

  5. Kym-n-Mark Todd

    Ha! We think we want to sign up for *your* wormhole! Thanks for the LOL suggestion (and maybe you have a potential story worth developing — if nothing else, it would be very cathartic!)

  6. Nancy Thompson

    There are people who pay others to write 1-star reviews???? Or are you just going after those who give 1 stars and the others who pay for 5-stars? Either way, they're despicable. Good choice!

    • Damyanti

      Folks write 1-star reviews to bring down other writers– they do it though middlemen, and the final guy just goes and copy-pastes on Amazon, for a princely sum of 5 US dollars. My editor caught one, and this troll confessed!

    • Damyanti

      If I had a few good online investigative skills, I'd step into this for real. Some good money in it too, if I can smell the nasty little rats.

  7. Adriana Dascalu

    Awesome idea! Even if you don't go through that wormhole, you could still use the latex uniform and a cool name!

    And you'll also need a day to day cover story and identity, just like the other heros!

    Now, off you go, protecting the Land Of Amazon and all the authors from all those bad reviws!

    • Damyanti

      Adriana, that's what my fellow writers are for, to provide the backstory. I'll try scrape together some latex. If Spiderman managed to have a uniform, so can I.

    • Damyanti

      It is sad that we need one, but need one we do! I wish online investigators would start looking into this kind of scam as part of their portfolio.

  8. L.G. Smith

    LOL. What a great use for a wormhole. And I can see your superhero outfit: Blue Spandex with FIVE gold stars blazing on the front. You go, Amazonian Wonder Woman. :))

  9. Alex Villasante

    I like Troll Hunter D or maybe the Icelandic word for Troll Hunter (which I don't know, not being Icelandic, but I hear they have 'real' trolls there, so maybe…) Great super power to have, you should be commended. the 1 star review isn't the problem if it's genuine, the problem is the reviews that are paid for. UGH. GO FORTH AND FIGHT, TROLL HUNTER D!

    • Damyanti

      Absolutely agree that it is not 1-star that's a problem, but fake, paid reviews. Shame on Amazon for not being able to weed those out.

  10. mshatch

    But what if the one-star review was deserved? Just asking…Now, if you plan on getting rid of all the fake reviews regardless of stars, I'm with you!

    • Damyanti

      It is easy to see when a 1-star review is deserved. I agree that all fake reviews must go, and it is sad that Amazon needs a superhero to weed those out. It should be easier, right?

  11. Rosalind Adam

    Sorry! My brain has stuck on that latex uniform idea. What I wouldn't give for one of those! And now I'm going to go and have a look at your work space. Bet it's not as untidy as mine!

  12. Mina Lobo

    Now that's my kind of superhero! Off the top of my head, I'd call you The Flying D. But maybe after I've had some coffee I'll think of something more betterer. (Not a typo.)