I could tell you I’m not insecure, but I guess I’d be lying.
Most writers, even successful, bestselling award-winning ones, have their insecurities….the difference is they’re not worried about their first publication, but whether their next novel would be better, more successful than the last.
Or at least I imagine they should, because after winning the Nobel prize for literature, this is what Toni Morrison had to say to writers, and to herself:
“Stop thinking about saving your face. Think of our lives and tell us your particularized world. Make up a story. Narrative is radical, creating us at the very moment it is being created. We will not blame you if your reach exceeds your grasp; if love so ignites your words they go down in flames and nothing is left but their scald. Or if, with the reticence of a surgeon’s hands, your words suture only the places where blood might flow. We know you can never do it properly – once and for all. Passion is never enough; neither is skill. But try.”
So, as a fledgling writer who has taken to the pen three years ago, I know my craft is not the best it can be, that I still have a million miles to cover before I can bring any mastery to my writing.
And as to life experience, the lifeblood of our writing—who can claim to understand life’s depth, its purpose, its reach? Life teaches us till our last breath. No writer can ever measure up to everything his life has taught him.
So yes, I wear my insecurities like a uniform, they give me purpose, and my place in this world. I wake up each morning terrified of not being able to write, I labor the day away and it disappears, and at night I go to bed dissatisfied with what I’ve written. Inside me I know that no matter how much I learn writing, there will still be that much more to learn—because one lifetime is not enough to learn all the craft, the discipline, the art, the artifice that goes into writing.
An editor told me last week she is including one of my stories for her anthology, which should be in print end of this year. It was a moment’s validation. But along with a pat on the back, it was also a kick on the butt: it reminded me I had to finish a collection of short stories and my novel, and how I still had a long way to go with both. Back to my insecurities, back to the grind.
So to echo Morrison, who in turn has echoed Browning( Ah, but man’s reach should exceed his grasp, or what’s a heaven for?):
I’ll always be insecure, and I’ll always be reaching for perfection. If nothing else, it would make me a better writer than when I began.
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This was a post for Alex J Cavanaugh’s Insecure Writer’s Supportย Group. Click on the link to reach fellow insecure writers!
I’d guess that most writers are insecure, Damyanti. And I don’t think it matters how much you’ve accomplished. The insecurity comes from that terrifying question, “Can I do it now?” In your case, you’ve proven over and over that you can, so the fear must be serving some purpose. A lot of people (and I’m one of them) believe you’re a wonderful writer. Maybe it isn’t necessary that you agree.
Great post! Thank you for sharing! ๐
After the first book, yes – I worried about the second one. Did I really have another great story in me that could at least measure up to the first?
You are incredible, and I see amazing success in your future. I’m so glad that I get to see your progression as a writer and your awesomeness as a human being ๐
I relate. I share those same insecurities. Great going on getting into an anthology. As long as we keep striving, I think we each will find our way. I believe so.
Ah, I so heart this post! Yours and Toni’s words are so beautiful. I can hear the aching need in them, imploring other writers and ourselves to do the hard work of creation. Because it is worthwhile, for its own sake.
Thank you! I will be tweeting this out (probably multiple times, my triberr buddy). ๐
This post is beautiful. Thank you for the Morrison quote! It really gave me the kick I needed this morning.
I’m definitely an insecure writer (and will be posting on it later this morning) but I try to focus on my craft, on the story and not on me, the one wielding the pen.
~Jen
That Morrison quote got me writing today..glad it helped you too. Thanks for stopping by to comment.
I love Toni Morrison. Yes, we are all insecure to a point and I plan on never giving up. Lovely post.
Thanks for stopping by, Miranda, and your kind words.
I love this. It’s so inspirational. I’m insecure. I think we all are, but I strive to be better on a daily basis. ๐
Striving to be better on a daily basis is what we have, I think! ๐
Damyanti, congrats on the story/anthology and your impressive list of other works. Very satisfying, I imagine. And your choice of quote is very inspiring.
~Kate
Eeep…I don’t have an impressive list of works…yet. Check back in about 20 years :).
Yes, the quote is very inspiring. It is what got me out of my sickbed and writing today.
Oh yes – but aren’t we all – if we’re very truthful:)
I would like to think so…but if not being insecure comes to some writers, why not? ๐
I couldn’t have said it better. I’m going to be more brave the next time my insecurities intimidate me.
We all have to be brave…it starts from being afraid, and then overcoming it!
I admit I’ve used to battle some insecurities but life has beaten them out of me, ha,ha. Now I’m happily plowing forward.
I hate and need my insecurity at the same time. I don’t know if I’ll ever get over it. If I’m not scared, I’m not humble, if I’m not humble, I’m not learning. Learning, for me, is the most important thing.
I prefer to consider myself a rabid control-freak perfectionist rather than insecure. Semantics? Perhaps.
I’m a “rabid control-freak perfectionist” too. But that is at the proofreading stage. When I’m writing, I’m insecure, plain and simple.
I finally posted your reviews, on Smashwords and Amazon. You are profoundly talented, D. But we all know being a writer is about much more than that. With my first novel coming out next month, I know it to be most about dogged determination, vision, hubris, dreams, and a thick skin all shaken up into a cocktail of manifestation.
Keep going, you have what it takes. Knowing you’re afraid and writing anyway is that which separates the women from the girls.
Aloha
Toby
http://www.tobyneal.net/
Toby, thanks. I’m happy you liked A TO Z. I was nervous.