Alex J Cavanaugh decrees in his blogfest:
On Monday, September 19, post a list of up to ten of the worst movies you’ve ever had the misfortune to watch. Films that just oozed awfulness and featured plot holes so big you could drive a bus through them.
So without further ado, I present the 10 worst movies ever, imho, but instead of writing about them, I’ll use as many of their titles in a piece of flash fiction (that would hopefully make more sense than the movies it was inspired by, lol.) Hopefully Alex forgives the liberty I’ve taken…(* I’ll run hide under the table right after posting this*
So here are my 10 worst picks:
1. Heaven’s Gate (1980) 2. Mommie Dearest (1981)
3. Showgirls (1995) 4. Battlefield Earth (2000)
5. Sweet Home Alabama (2002) 6. Gigli (2003)
7. The Room (2003) 8. Derailed (2005)
9. Alone in the Dark (2005) 10. I don’t know How she does it (2011)
So, ahem, now for the flash fiction:
Mommie Dearest, M.D.
I don’t know how she does it, but Mommie dearest manages to derail my life every time she steps into it, which is often. By Mommie dearest, or MD (as I call her when I’m alone in the dark), I mean my wife Gigli’s mother.
Mine, bless her, gave up the ghost when I was still a fairly runt-sized boy, and just about the only thing I remember of that woman is the smack of her hand on my bottom.
MD uses big words like Heaven’s Gate, Hellfire, the Earth as a Battlefield Between Good and Evil. I’ve grown up with small words like cold, hunger, roof, money, food, knife, rain, dark, sun, blood, water, hate, winter, and done just fine.
So MD’s words are lost on Gigli and me, who, unknown to her mother, is a showgirl at a gig I got her in the next town, Muck City, in our sweet old state of Alabama. Gigli is what they call her there, and what I call her ever since I married her ten years ago. MD calls her Gertrude.
Just yesterday, MD stopped by, and tried yet again to take me to church, being Sunday and all. She calls herself my soul-doctor. It has always been like that in my marriage; me, Gigli, and MD makes three.
I left, of course, so Gigli could deal with her mother like she always does. I got drunk as a skunk, and came back home hoping MD had left. Not.
So I went to The Room, where I take all ladies who remind me of MD, to be alone with them in the dark. Knife, blood, Heaven’s Gate, we did it all, as usual—me and the woman I found. I left her in a trash bag, the letters M and D scrawled on her pitted bottom.
I’m tired now, and if you know me, you’ll know I’m a man of few words. I like it straight and narrow. So the next time MD stops by, she comes with me to The Room, and I don’t care what Gigli has to say about it. I’ll make an honest, spiritual M.D. out of her yet.
If you liked this piece and would like to browse through more of my work, check out A to Z Stories of Life and Death, available on Kindle and Smashwords.
P.S: The story came from the movie titles and the picture, and I took it down as it came. It is not meant to offend sensibilities.
Alone in the Dark was awful, so so so bad, forgot about that one, the rest I agree too, but that one was blah altogether.
Very impressive use of bad movies in this piece. I’ve done that once before, but with song titles, and they were all from the group the Pet Shop Boys. Fun times, indeed.
I’m proud to say I haven’t seen any of these 10! 🙂
What a fun post. Just saw the Sarah Jessica Parker movie the other night. When we walked in, the theater was packed with women. My hubs asked if it was another Sex & The City movie and no one told him.
Showgirls and Battlefield Earth both made my list (and many others as well)!
I’ve never seen any of these movies. Making a note now to keep it that way! Impressed that you creatively crammed ten titles into one piece of flash fiction.
is it awful i like Sweet Home Alabama?
I’ve heard of a few of these from other lists, but the others I don’t recognize! I’m a bit glad I haven’t seen them, though. LOL.
Some of these I’ve never heard of.
What a creative way to weave your worst movies into flash fiction! I’m so glad to have met you through the blogfest! This was brilliant! Julie
Your list is a stinky one, that’s for sure! Mommy dearest didn’t make my list, because Joan Crawford reminded me so much of my own mother.
I keep forgetting about Battlefield Earth. It was pretty bad.
Hmm, I haven’t seen most of these movies, nor heard of them. 🙂
Can Alex save Winter from the darkness that hunts her?
YA Paranormal Romance, Darkspell coming fall of 2011!
That was a unique and creative approach to this blogfest. Leave it to you to come up with some flash fiction! You can find a story anywhere.
Tossing It Out
We have a few in common. I Don’t Know How She Does It looks really bad. Hopefully wifey doesn’t want us to go see it.
Nice take on this Damyanti. You really are stretching lately, and that is such a good thing. Loved this. I do love movies, and I really do have to put my list together.
I’m not into movies so can’t comment on that, but you’re clever as usual with using your word prompts. The husband sounds like he’s less than a hairsbreadth away from having a go at MD. 😀
That is so creative! Way to go, Damy. I think Battlefield Earth is winning for most mentions.
Thanks for participating in the blogfest!
Excellent! Some good came out of those terrible films after all!
There has alaways been good and not so good films about , not everyone has the same taste otherwise it would be a boring world.
Thank you for your visit, the comment I thought was odd, it was NOT meant to be funny. those films were the worst I’d seen, Candy in particular had an adverse effect on me not knowing I was epiletic and 6 months pregnant at the time. what you thought funny I can’t imagine.
That was a clever idea! And, OMG, I had forgotten about that shockingly dreadful (I don’t want to use the word “movie”) bit of celluloid “Showgirls”. Ughhh!!! *Shudders*
I do not know some of the movies listed but your list and you story make me want to check them out:)
My story has nothing to do with the movies other than the Titles…and as to checking out the movies– well, only if you have loads of time, patience, and a well-honed sense of humor 🙂
Love the flash fiction piece! Good use of some bad movies.
Thanks Kelly, for your kind words :). I didn’t know I’ll be able to fit in all the titles when I began the piece.