All I can think of these days is butter. Cheesy as it sounds, it makes everything better.
(Did I just write those awful, punny lines? Yes, good people, I did.)
My ongoing love affair with butter is unlikely to end well, but you know how it is with addictions. There’s the initial honeymoon phase, and then there’s the I-shouldn’t-be-doing-this-but-what-the-heck-phase. There are other phases, of course, but I’m focusing on the ‘what-the-heck’ phase because that’s where I’m at, you understand.
Maybe my body feels it is under threat and has gone into its most atavistic response: fattening up in anticipation of a drought?
Or it could be I have this dread disease, or maybe even fat-gorging worms (yuck!) ?
It could also be that I’m shopping for groceries online, and since they limit purchases to two, something in me always wants to hit the limit. I Always buy two large slabs of butter.
Whatever the reason, my addiction shows no signs of abating. I haven’t been able to guilt myself with health consequences, nor, (to my shame) the starvation of others that I see regularly on the media.
The thing is once I snack on butter, my writing flows well. My column for the Sunday Standard of the New Indian Express (you can read it here), for instance, was fueled completely by butter. I’m unable to go out much (obviously), I don’t store unhealthy snacks at home, and am generally pretty frugal ( no shopping binges, ever). So butter seems to have become my only escape, reward, and refuge.
I’ve told myself this can’t go on, but each time I’m writing, or on a call, my body goes on autopilot. Even now as I type this, I have butter shavings on a tiny plate beside me, their pale, melty-soft, salty goodness a constant temptation.
Someone (me?) needs to intervene. I’ve re-read this post, and it reads like a (half) humorous call for help. I’ll possibly need to discover a seaweed/sunflower-seed /dried fruit variety of addiction or an unimpeachably sound meditation technique in order to get me out of this one.
Until that happens though, I’ll be here. Eating healthy breakfasts of nuts and cereals, vegetables with every meal, working out the best I can. (And stealing butter off the slab. I guess this my version of a meltdown?)
Have you ever had an addiction you’re comfortable speaking about? What has been your relationship with butter? What’s your advice for my de-addiction and rehabilitation?
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