If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), use the same beginning words and end with the words: “the door swung shut.” (also included in the word count)
The door swung open and Nana found herself faced with a large, hairy armpit. A doughy lump of a woman in a spaghetti top and sarong overflowed from a revolving chair. A bird-like young girl bent over her, forceps in hand, plucking one hair after another. The enormous woman grimaced from time to time, but found a moment to smile at Nana.
“What you want madaaam?” she drawled in Thai contralto. If a python could sing, it would sound like her.
“Just looking to join my husband for a massage. He said he’d be in the last massage parlour down this road.”
“Your husbaaand, madaaam? No man come here, woman-only parlour madaaam, come in come in,” said the woman, shaking the girl off, rising to her small, pudgy feet.
“Oh, I’ll go find him then.”
“Only come in that door, no go out, madaaam.” The woman moved fast for someone her bulk.
“Pretty white girl like you get good price,” smiled the woman, grabbing Nana’s arm, “in two days I get back all the money I pay your husband for youuu.”
As Nana struggled, she felt a needle sink into her arm. Behind her, the door swung shut.
Thanks Amanda and Daina, both for stopping by, and the kind comments!
She got sold D:! Now I want to know what happened to her next!
Superbly written, I've enjoyed reading it.
Oh wow! What a disturbing ending! Of course, I enjoy disturbing, so I enjoyed this! 😉 You described the characters well, I could almost see them!
Tina…thanks for stopping by, and I hope I'm following you already!
Claire, you understand absolutely correctly! 😀
Loved this, especially the twist at the end! Tell me, did I understand correctly, was the young girl plucking her underarm hair?? If so, that's hilarious!
At first, I thought the wife was going to walk in on the husband doing the nasty, so I didn't see the end coming. Good luck with your entry! 🙂
We're in the same Lit Fic crusader group.
Creepy! As always, you've created a masterful piece of flash fiction! I'll be seeing that fat Thai woman in my nightmares now! Thanks…I think!
Shiraz, Alica, Christa, Holly, can't thank you enough!
Of all the ones I've read, this is one of the most original. Powerful characterization in so few words.
Wow, that's great and I wasn't expecting the ending. Nicely done.
Great scene- I can clearly picture it.
This is very interesting to say the least. I love your descriptive style.
Thanks for the link for The Rules of Three Blogfest. I will have a look at that. I'm in the middle of something these days and there is always a shortage of time, as you can understand as a writer.
Sandwiched writer, I think the Rule of Three would be a great fit for a writer like you 🙂
F.E. Sewell, you're very welcome to the visit :)…hope to keep in touch throughout the campaign!
N.Scott and Marcy, thankyou! 🙂
Aaaawk! What an adventure. I really liked this one!
Oh, wow. This one had me shaking. You are SOOOOOOOO good at making this reader want more of your delicious writing!
Ooh creepy! Your story gave me chills! I had to read it again because of that.
Thanks for stopping by my blog, btw!
I love this! What a great beginning – would be fun to see where this goes if you pursue it.
Yikes! That poor girl! Great piece 🙂
Stopping by to say thank you so much for your comments on my flash piece, for your "like," and for the invitation to The Rule of 3 blogfest (never participated in one before). Will be in touch about it!
Ah! what a nightmare! The story, I mean….good writing 😉
Thank you so much for your kind words, everyone.
I did not think of the ending as much of a twist,really…but then I hardly think when I write these pieces: my pen writes them, not me.
Katie, my praise for your writing was very well-deserved, imho. I hope you do join The Rule of Three Blogfest.
You did a great job with the challenge, Damyanti. The ending really surprised me. Also I want to thank you for your kind words on my recent post, which ended the 3-part story. I was touched by your praise. I also just dropped by the Rule of Three blogfest post. I don't know if I'll be able to do it, as I'm feeling overwhelmed these days, but… I haven't ruled it out yet, and I appreciate your letting me know about it!
I really like this one. It's kind of surprising and unexpected. Well done!
Your piece is uniquely different, in a great way! I enjoyed reading, thanks! ~Candy, Campaigner 274
This is wicked good! The tone and descriptions led me right in. Great job!
Good twist at the end. this will stick with me if I go for a massage, that's for sure! mine is #72
I love the twist at the end . . . though I feel bad for the character!
p.s. – is there a way to follow your blog w/o Facebook or Twitter … yes, sans the big FB and the little blue bird …
Love the hairy armpit! Nice, unexpected twist! Fellow campaigner and writer of "literary" fiction and CNF here, stopping by to say hello.
Creepy. But light and curious at the same time. I liked it. 😀
each word counts in subtle ways! wonderful. I am voting for yours! 🙂
I love, love, love the twist. Great story!
Wow what a twist! I loved your description too. Great post 🙂 Thanks for checking out mine!!
Fantastic! I loved the imagery and the twist at the end 😀
I am very impressed. And horrified (with the story, not the writing). Well done!
Wonderful descriptions. I could picture the "doughy lump" of a woman perfectly. Great job!
This is a great response to the prompt ! Superbly crafted Damyanti !
My entry is no.#59
Fantastic! I really wasn't expecting the twist! And when it started off I thought, wow, this is really different!
Oh! Awesome!! Thanks for the tweet-clue to come here! 🙂
Lynda, Deanna, Susan, thanks!
Jocelyn, that's my fave line too.
Sher, sorry to have opened up bad memories. I'm glad your friend escaped, and yes, her story deserves to be told.
This vignette is almost totally fiction…the only true part is the plucking of the armpit…which I witnessed while passing by a small, dingy salon on the streets of Bangkok this week.
The woman I saw was no python…she was a beauty past her prime, sitting nonchalantly smiling at passers-by as a girl bent over her armpit.
But things get twisted in my head and appear in stories…I've been trying to write less creepy stuff, I promise you that! 🙂
Very good, but hit too close to home for me. I know a woman who escaped a real life kidnapping for the sex trade. Makes my heart hurt. One day I'm going to have to write her story.
Great twist! And I LOVE the line, "If a python could sing, it would sound like her."
I loved this! In 200 words you've conveyed great characterization and suspense!
Now that is totally freaky! Soo good!
Ha! I love the twist.
Maria, Christine, Donna, Erin—thanks!
Denise, you're welcome. WOuld really love to see your entry into THe Rule of Three!
Fabulous twist on this and you nailed your characters perfectly!
Oh Damyanti, you're such a writer! I love the tension here and the way you build it right to the horrible ending. Denise
Thx for being understanding re the Rule of Three blogfest. I'll relook and also thanks for all the other links today. You rock!
Oh, the dirty dog! Well done!
Oh, nice twist! Great imagery. Made me cringe a bit. *LOL*
Superb! Really enjoyed it…and loved the twist. 🙂