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Would You Join Gary Pennick's Bloggers's Got Talent?

Gary Pennick has shown up on Amlokiblogs twice in the past month, once for the very successful Anti Blogfest Gary Fest and the other time for his poetic guest post. But Gary isn’t Gary if he doesn’t air his satirical side a bit (and we all love him for it), and he’s here to announce the Blogger’s Got Talent Audition Categories!

 “Blogger’s Got Talent” judges have discussed the categories
for this year’s show.  Auditions for the following categories will be
held at the ‘Blogland Convention Centre’, located near ‘Blog Hope
International Airport’ in ‘Blogbank’, California.  Special charter
prices can be obtained by contacting the blogger’s favourite airline, “Blog Air.”  Audition dates and times will be announced shortly.

The Categories

1: The Incredibly Sarcastic Blogger, category.  Ideally, we are looking for a blogger who claims to have never been sarcastic in their life, ever!
2:  The Amazingly Funny Blogger, category.  We are looking for somebody who thinks they are funny, but beyond their delusion, admits they aren’t funny at all.
3:  The Sickly Sweet Poetry Blogger, category.  We are seeking a poetry blogger whose words doth make us want to violently throw up.
4:  The Self-Obsessed Blogger,
category.  We are searching for a blogger who disregards the comments
on their site.  Never lowers themselves to comment on other sites and
constantly talks about their favourite subject, them!
5: The Blatant Self-Promoting Blogger,
category.  This category would have us find the very best at constantly
drawing attention to their blog by setting up various blog challenges,
blog hops and anything related to the alphabet.  
6:  The Anarchy Blogger,
category.  We’d like to discover a blogger who breaks all the rules and
mocks those who’d attempt to use correct grammar.  Somebody who uses
run-on sentences that go on and on and on and on and then some more and
without the use of commas but actually ends abruptly with an exclamation
mark or three!!!
7:  The Boring Blogger,
category.  Hopefully, we can find somebody who talks about their cats,
their fun times at the fast-food restaurant with the kids and the thrill
of getting another Justin Bieber poster.
8 :  The Ironic Blogger,
category. This category would like to hear from bloggers who can
discuss situations such as the time they got knocked over by an
9:  The Procrastination Blogger, category.  We’ll wait patiently for a blogger to step forward in that category.  Maybe they will tomorrow or the next day or the…..
10:  The Cynical Blogger,
category.  This is the category where we find a blogger who thinks that
those who set up blog challenges, blog hops, blogfests and other
competitions, are making out like they are demonstrating the ideals of a
sharing, caring blogging community.  The cynical blogger might state
that they are really trying to draw attention to themselves and
accumulate more followers.   

So there are the ten categories.  At the end of the Blogger’s Got Talent season, we’ll have the ultimate winner.  I wonder if you would audition for any of those categories? 

I have been honoured to have my blog “klahanie” featured on the
B.B.C.’s radio station ‘Radio 5 Live’. On a show titled: “Pods and
Blogs”,  I tried to highlight in my interview, that it’s time to
eliminate the unfair stigma that’s still attached to mental health
issues.  I firmly believe that the media can help redress the balance.
 How about sensationalizing the positive recovery stories rather than
the negative stereotypes that people with mental health issues have to
endure?  I am a man challenging his “inner critic.”  I will not
‘surrender’ to my symptoms. I  give myself permission to be positive.  I
try to live my life with realistic positive anticipation, rather than,
negative speculation.  We all have the right to peace and contentment.
 I want to give others positive affirmations.  I am not daunted by my
loneliness.  For in my solitude, I have discovered a determined
resilience.  I care passionately for people who have been undermined in
an unjust world.  I challenge the stigma that still surrounds mental
health issues.
blog’s name “klahanie” comes from the Chinook tribe located on
the Pacific Northwest of North America, and is widely accepted as meaning, “the great outdoors.”
Damyanti Biswas

Damyanti Biswas is the author of You Beneath Your Skin and numerous short stories that have been published in magazines and anthologies in the US, the UK, and Asia. She has been shortlisted for Best Small Fictions and Bath Novel Awards and is co-editor of the Forge Literary Magazine. Her literary crime thriller series, the Blue Mumbai, is represented by Lucienne Diver from The Knight Agency. Both The Blue Bar and The Blue Monsoon were published in 2023.

I appreciate comments, and I always visit back. If you're having trouble commenting, let me know via the contact form, or tweet me up @damyantig !

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  • Arlee Bird says:

    Now see–I've been so scarce making my way through blogs in the past several months that I totally missed this. If you hadn't promoted this post on FaceBook I might have never seen it. I guess I'm out of the running, but I wouldn't have been able to match the talent of others in these. Now if you had a category about the blogger who misses things, is forgetful, and frequently late to discover posts, then maybe I'd have a chance.

    An A to Z Co-Host
    Tossing It Out

    • klahanie says:

      Hey Lee,

      The roastess with the mostess. Yes, the Bird who would be roasted. And why not because you deserve all the accolades you get, my illustrious friend. Of course, very unusual for me to actually promote a blog that I was involved in. You know me, the blogger in the "Shy and Humble" category.

      You have the distinction of having your very own category. A Hall of Fame category, I think would be awesome. Sorry, forgot what else I was going to mention.


    • klahanie says:

      What the heck? I left a really incredibly awesome comment back and hey presto, it vanished. Which means, this second attempt will be be proof I forgot what I said before. Because what I said before was really clever. Lee, that category will be created just for you. And let's not forget, um not forget…..oh yeah, the "Hall of Fame" inductee. I'm sure it will be you next year. You can take the trophy and recite the alphabet.

      Gary πŸ™‚

  • I've visited blogs that fit these categories. A tough bunch.

  • The self-absorbed ones don't last long. Thank goodness!

  • DMS says:

    lol- These categories are great! I am a big procrastinator. :)Can't wait to see this contest play out. Awesome to learn more about Gary here!

    • Hi Jess,

      The contest's ultimate winner from all the categories, should be an interesting, cringe-worthy experience.

      Yes, it's awesome to learn more about shy, humble and oh so unassuming, me. πŸ™‚ I was going to comment back. Must think about that….

      Gary πŸ™‚

  • Aw, man! I thought I was going to be able to enter a contest, but there's no category for The Pathetically Lonely Blogger Hoping to Hook a Husband by Pouring Her Heart Out to Any Who Will Listen.

    I guess I wouldn't enter that one either. Not my style. Writer’s Mark

    • Hi Nancy,

      No contest to enter in the category you mention. Actually, it might be a notable category in next year's show. Who knows, might get a blogger marriage out of it. Think of the ratings!

      Keep smiling.

      Gary πŸ™‚

  • Hahahahaha, the categories are hilarious! I'd win at #'s 3, 7, and 9. Not sure how this works (shouldn't there be a dazed and confused category? or at least desperately dumb?), but it's going to be fun to watch!

    • klahanie says:

      Hi The Words Crafter,

      I'm not sure how that would work if you were in the procrastinator category. Time to go read some nauseating poetry…*yawn* I think I'm getting dazed and confused in a desperately dumb sort of way. I have to remember which site I'm on. And also note that Penny has taken over because I dozed off.

      Happy watching.

      On behalf of her human,

      Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar! @)

  • Let's see, you need an audience to watch the competition and cheer, right? I'll do that. I'd rather not judge, and even though I enjoy a good competition, I don't see a category that's quite the right size for me. Maybe next year…

    • klahanie says:

      Hi Susan,

      We were hoping you'd be head cheerleader, complete with your blogging pompoms. Next year's show will find a category that would suit you just fine. Each year, different categories are selected. I can see you in "The Let's Go To A Museum Blogger", category.

      Hope you had a nice weekend, Susan.

      Gary πŸ™‚

  • *wiping brow* Once upon a time I might have fit the sarcastic category, but alas, I have a teenager and have amended my ways.

    • klahanie says:

      Hi Crystal,

      *Breathes sigh of relief* I do find it impossible to believe you could of ever, ever fit in the sarcastic category. Luckily, I was sitting down when I read your comment. A teenager is darned good practice in observing the fine art of sarcasm.

      Gary πŸ™‚

  • Oh dear! What if you kind of fit in all of them? Is there a special prize for that?

    • klahanie says:

      Hi Lee,

      Wow! Such versatility! There should be a "Blog of Fame" special tribute award each year. It seems you are a worthy contender.

      Yes, your starstruckest fan,

      Gary πŸ™‚

    • Let's make a prize and give it every year. I'll enter and, of course, win. I love to win.

    • Greetings "shewhoshallbenamelessuntilfurthernotice.",

      Let's have a prize with your latest name on it. You can enter your own prize competition and with no hint of rigging the votes, you win every time!

      As usual, whoever you are this hour, your starstruckest fan,

      Gary πŸ™‚

    • Brilliant idea as always. Bet Penny came up with this one. Can't fool me. Well, not most of the time.

    • Hello um whatever you name is n'stuff,

      Penny always comes up with bestest of ideas. Yes, I cannot take credit for her sheer intellectual genius!

      Yay, looky here. "Amlokiblogs Top Posts" Look who is now number one. And it's thanks to my ever growing legion of adoring fans. Never as many adoring fans as you, however. That would be beyond my wildest dreams!

      Thank you, um, Lee?

      Your continuing starstruckest fan,

      Gary πŸ™‚

  • Gwen Gardner says:

    Hmmm, not sure I fit any of the categories. It figures – always the square peg trying to fit into a round hole πŸ™‚

    • klahanie says:

      Hi Gwen,

      There's always next year's show. The promoters of the show are considering a "Ghost Blogger" category. Bet you could see right through that one.

      Gary πŸ™‚

  • Mmm… I might qualify for the procrastination blogger title. Took nearly two months for me to put up photos I promised in May. πŸ˜‰

    • klahanie says:

      Hi Misha,

      Ah, those photos! Oops, not those photos. Ignore me. I was going to comment back to you, Misha. Let me contemplate that and I might comment back later, or tomorrow, or the next day, or…..

      Gary πŸ™‚

  • writerlysam says:

    I do believe this is an elaborate canine plot to take over Damyanti's blog! Cleverly entertaining as always, Gary:) I think I'll stick to my musically-inclined projects, where everyone shines in the show:)

    • klahanie says:

      Hi Samantha,

      Penny plotting pawblishing pawstings pawhaps. Thanks for your kind words and for Damyanti allowing me, with discussion from Penny, to sneakily hijack her blog πŸ™‚

      Musically-inclined projects, indeed. Where everybody shines equally. Where there is no pianist envy. I like to play music down a hill. I'm inclined to do such things.

      Thank you, Samantha.


  • Tara Tyler says:

    this is hilarious, of course! i could win the captain obvious blogger! my fave is the ironic blogger! ha!

    • klahanie says:

      Hi Tara,

      Just flew back over. The meal was great but the turbulence caused the great meal to go somewhere else. Yay to irony. I was going to put up "The Apathy Blogger", category, but couldn't be bothered πŸ™‚

      Thank you, Tara.

      Gary πŸ™‚

  • Vidya Sury says:

    Gary, this is so hilarious! My nasty self sneaked in and nudged me with some nominations but I just nudged her out unceremoniously. πŸ˜€ I loved reading the categories!

    Congratulations on being featured on the BBC. I agree about highlighting the positive stories. Hugs! You completely rock.

    Damyanti, such a pleasure to see Gary here! πŸ™‚

    • klahanie says:

      Hi Vidya,

      That's very kind of you. I cannot even begin to think of you having a nasty self πŸ™‚ Ah yes, this year's categories. Next year's show will hopefully have the "Shy, Humble and Oh So Unassuming Blogger", category. Gosh, bet I'd win that! LOL

      It was quite the experience being on the BBC. It got a lot of positive feedback. Most encouraging as we continue in our goal of remove stigmas of all kinds.

      It was most flattering to have the delightful Damyanti plead, um ask me to guest post πŸ™‚

      Hoping you had a peaceful, positive weekend, Vidya.

      Gary πŸ™‚

    • Damyanti says:

      I want to put this on the record : I did plead. Haven't been well and needed some laughter and sunshine on this blog. Planning to wrap this blog into a hiatus soon, from which it may or may not wake up.

    • klahanie says:

      Hi Damyanti,

      We have interacted and you know I'm going to be in the background, giving support to you, or anybody who needs to chat.

      You're a thoroughly decent lady. We are all blessed to know you.

      In peace and hope,

      Your friend,


  • Trisha F says:

    HA. This should be fun to watch πŸ˜‰

    • klahanie says:

      Hi Trisha,

      It sure would. I've heard it's going to be in HD 3D, so you can see the sheer delight of the winner in much finer detail.

      Have a peaceful remainder of your weekend.

      Gary πŸ™‚

  • I bet I could enter and win a few of those for sure.

    • klahanie says:

      Hi Terry,

      A category for you will be hopefully on next year's show. The Sharing, Caring Blogger, category. I think a number of others would be better contenders for this year's show πŸ™‚

      Have a lovely Sunday.


  • Damyanti says:

    Thanks, Gary, for keeping my blog alive during the weekend, particularly when I don't feel so well.

    You're one of my best guests, responding in such lovely detail to comments.

    • klahanie says:

      Hi Damyanti,

      It has been an honour to have been invited here, my good friend. I hope that reading through the comments can give you a modicum of comfort. I'm sorry you aren't feeling well. Please just try to take it easy.

      I do my best to respond to those who have taken the time to comment. I'm grateful to them and you.

      In kindness and hoping you feel better,


  • Rob Z Tobor says:

    Sorry I'm late I got knocked over by an ambulance.

    • klahanie says:

      Hi Rob,

      You never need to apologise. I heard they took you away in the ambulance, but forgot to close the back doors properly. They made a sudden stop and you flew out the back of the ambulance. Having recovered from being flung into a ditch, I've been told you will be okay.

      Happy Sunday, my friend.


  • Manzanita says:

    This should prove to be a laugh and a half or two or three. Fun times a-com'n.
    Dream on, all you would be winners.

    • klahanie says:

      Hi Manzanita,

      Triple the laughs. Triple the barfs. Fun times in the funland that is blogland.

      The ultimate award is of my wildest dreams. Which category though. Hmmm….

      Enjoy the rest of your weekend, Manzanita.


  • I think truly I could win the boring blogger award. I love my cats. They talk to me. I should enter. But then the blogger who would have won had I not entered wouldn't win, thereby becoming sad and forlorned. Or is that forlorn? What is the future tense of forlorn, anyway? See! I should enter! I love awards!

    Gary, moi poulet, you are wonderblogger. I've just now decided.

    • klahanie says:

      Hi Joylene,

      You in the boring blogger CATegory? I think your talking cats should enter. Imagine that, a talking cat. What next, a rhyming cat? Sad and felined, or is that feline? The future tense of forlorn, is unforlorn, or is it unforlorned? My spell check is having a nightmare. Or is my spell check having a bad dream? Questions, questions. You should get more awards. I have two awards waiting to be awarded. Thanks for giving me an idea.

      Moi un poulet? Ooh la la and mon dieu! I think my postings are fowl. Thank you, eh.

      A totally awesome rest of your weekend, if you wish that.


  • Tina says:

    Well done, Gary. As enjoyable as the blogger's hotline. You're one of a kind, and truly a caring, sharing friend.
    Tina @ Life is Good

    • klahanie says:

      Hi Tina,

      Thank you, Tina. I know you know that I know that you know that I am satirising with a touch of irony. I'm okay trying to share and care discreetly in the background. You are da bestest, Tina πŸ™‚

      Have a lovely weekend in CO.


  • Ida Chiavaro says:

    I'm glad we don't have blog conventions in this part of the world…

    • klahanie says:

      Hi Ida,

      Next year's blog convention is going to be held in Denmark.

      A peaceful weekend to you, my friend πŸ™‚


  • Lexa Cain says:

    Ugh. I hate those category #5 people. Why isn't there a category for you? Truly funny bloggers who actually care about people and have adorable sidekicks. πŸ™‚

    • klahanie says:

      Hi Lexa,

      Category 5. Thanks for reminding me. I'm going to have a "Numbers 1 to 365 Blogfest." Everyday of the year, blogger's will make note of my blog and then discuss the number 1 on January 1 and so on right through the year. On a leap year, I get an extra day of blatant self-promotion! πŸ™‚

      That's very kind of you to suggest. However, Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar, just stay discreetly in the background. Well, sort of πŸ™‚

      Hope you have a nice weekend, Lexa.

      Penny's alleged human,

      Gary πŸ™‚

  • Oh dear. Sprung. I fear I am a shoe-in (paw in) for Category 7. And a worthy challenger in a few other areas.

    • klahanie says:

      Gidday Sue,

      "Sprung"? Sounds like how an American from Alabama pronounces the word "Spring." Of course you're not a shoe-in or paw-in for Category 7. Sorry, one moment, I'm getting drowsy. Apply away for as many of the categories you deem fit.

      Wishing you a peaceful, hopeful rest of your weekend, Sue.


  • (RUSHES INTO ROOM… skids to a stop in front of young admin assistant…)

    "Hey. Am I too late? To join, or to apply?"

    No, you're fine, says she.

    "OK, great. Well, I'm late because I filled out multiple applications… I think I have a great chance of winning this year."

    (Muffles yawn, does she.)

    "OK, great. I'm so excited. Is Simon here yet?"

    • klahanie says:

      Hi Mazza, me old mucka,

      No worries and check out those skid marks, Mark.

      You are definitely in contention for as many categories as you would still like to apply for. I had a discreet word with the young admin assistant before you arrived.

      And now, you can dream of this, Simon Bowel notes your bog, sorry blog and states, "Congratulations Mazza, you're through to the next round of Blogger's Got Talent!"

      You giggle. You pee your pants. All is right in your world.

      Aloha and whoa!

      A good weekend to you, Mark.

      Gary πŸ™‚

  • Old Kitty says:

    No best kitty and/or woofie and/or parrot blogger?!!? Awwww! LOL! Take care

    • klahanie says:

      Hi Old Kitty,

      CATegory number 7 is fairly close to what you mention. Next year's show is most assuredly thinking about having the best animal blogger type category. You would stand a good chance with that one. Gosh and giggle πŸ™‚

      Have a pawfectly pawesome weekend.


  • John Gray says:

    Me too delores

    • klahanie says:

      Hi John,

      Next year the show, is contemplating, "The Fowl Blogger", category. What the duck, me old cock, you should apply.

      A good weekend to you, my friend.

      Gary πŸ™‚

  • Delores says:

    I'll have a go at the Boring/Sickly Sweet Poetry categories…seems right up my alley. Now all I have to do is rustly up the air fare.

    • klahanie says:

      Hi Delores,

      Ah yes, thrill your readers with stories about the time you found your upside down cake the right way up. Twas so sweet. The little birdies went, tweet, tweet, tweet…

      You can be Penny the pawlet's, co-pilot πŸ™‚

      Have a good weekend, eh.


  • Pat Hatt says:

    Hmm the cat could make himself go for some of those, he'll just scare all away with zombie toes

    • klahanie says:

      Hi Pat Hatt,

      Hmm the cat? Your cat's name is "Hmm"? Hmm the cat could go for a number of those CATegories.

      This comment was typed in front of a dead studio audience.

      Go give Hmm the cat some fish in a dish if you wish.

      Gary πŸ™‚

  • Now, this is a program I'd love to see 'live' on TV with Penny as the presenter. You can hand out the prizes Gary. Now, my battery is about to go, so let me quickly say that I'll be in category…

    • klahanie says:

      Hi Rum-Punch Drunk,

      Live on ITV. Penny as the 'pawsenter' πŸ™‚ Yes, I can hand out the ultimate prize to the overall winner. Your category comes to you at no charge.

      Have a good weekend, my friend.


  • Morgan says:

    Hahaha! Oh dear… I'm closing my eyes *praying* that I'm not nominated for any of those categories… I did just unfollow a couple of number 5's myself… bleh! Though I guess being nominated for number 3 wouldn't be *too* bad… I'd like to write poetry.. even if it's barfy…

    • klahanie says:

      Hi Morgan,

      I know what we should do. Have an "Un-Follow The Blatant Self-Promoting Blogger, Blogfest."

      Ah yes, practice poetry that makes me want to puke.

      Look at the pretty tree
      Smiling at you and me
      Look at the little birds
      Dropping turds.

      Have a gosh darn poetic weekend, Morgan.

      Gary πŸ™‚

  • i am number #7… i love my cats and dog, i could talk about them for hours.

    • klahanie says:

      Hi Jeremy,

      *Yawn* What's that you said?

      Have a, as Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar would say, a pawsitive weekend.

      Gary πŸ™‚

  • Sherry Ellis says:

    Oh, please nominate me for the Incredibly Sarcastic blogger, because I've never been sarcastic, even though my daughter says I am and my husband tells me I have a little problem with my eyeballs rolling.

    • klahanie says:

      Hi Sherry,

      I could not even begin to imagine you being in the running for the Incredibly Sarcastic blogger, category! Your daughter must have got it wrong. Her mother sarcastic? No way, not ever! Not good to have your eyeballs rolling. I just had a literal visual of that!

      Have an amazingly fantastic weekend! I mean that because I really, really care!

      Gary πŸ™‚

  • Me wants to be Anarchy blogger because i like brakeing rule's of grammer and, speelling an punk-chew-a-shun pleeze vote four me!!!


    • klahanie says:

      Yo Robyn n'stuff!

      You is deffo da bloggy type anarchist and i is well likin you're or is it your but i do not care and i laffin ow you broking da rulers of grandma grammar grammer is well cool and i like you not using commas and how you use dem fore excrement marks at da end of yo sentencing.

      Ave a hood weekend in a da hood.

      Gary πŸ™‚ x

  • JoJo says:

    I just stopped following someone who fit into Category 4.

    • klahanie says:

      Hi JoJo,

      I just checked my list of "followers." I hate that word, "followers." Category 4 bloggers does my head in.

      A good weekend to you, my friend.


  • Julia Hones says:

    As you already know, I will not fit in any category. I am the misfit kind of blogger. Gary, you forgot me. How can you do this to me? You should have added the "misfit" type of blogger.
    I hope I made you smile at least.
    Hugs to you and Penny.
    Have a wonderful weekend!

    • klahanie says:

      Hi Julia,

      You certainly don't fit into any other of those categories. Each year, the show tries to select ten categories maximum. Please contact the show in beautiful downtown Blogbank in regards to having the "Misfit" blogger, category, next year. Thank you and a smile is what you have bestowed upon my, as per usual, stunned looking face πŸ™‚

      Hugs to you and your daughter and to all your adoring misfit fans.

      A peaceful, positive weekend to you, Julia.


  • LOL!!!! I think I'd have to go for procrastination. Maybe someday, I'll be a super awesome blogger with tons of exciting posts, but for now, I got zilcho. πŸ˜›

    • klahanie says:

      Hi Celeste,

      Ah you will be in next year's show in the "Shy, Humble and Oh So Unassuming", category. I was going to comment back to you. Maybe tomorrow, or the next day, or…..

      Have a lovely weekend, Celeste.

      Gary πŸ™‚

  • I'll bet I could compete and win #3 and #6. My poetry is bad and my grammar even worse!

    Not sure it's something I want to brag about though!:)

    Oh, and I'll not be flying anywhere on Blog Air!

    • klahanie says:

      Hi Yolanda,

      You could do some anarchic poetry.

      Brag away, my friend πŸ™‚

      Blog Air is the blogger's favourite airline. They now have charter flights. This means a popular blogger could sit beside an 'insignificant' blogger. Imagine the conversations. Oh, Penny is the 'pawlet' on Blog Air. Bet that makes you change your mind.

      A peaceful, hopeful weekend to you and your loved ones.


  • Gary I agree that the media can play a large role in lessening the stigma. I also think the entertainment industry can play a role as well!

    • klahanie says:

      Hi Keith,

      I have, in the past, worked closely with the local media. The sensationalism they created to enhance the myths about mental illness, was detrimental. All in the name of selling their product. The media and yes, the entertainment industry, have a lot to answer for. With increased awareness, the balance is getting better.

      A happy weekend to you, Keith.


  • Oh boy, don't wanna be in competition at all! πŸ™‚

    • klahanie says:

      Hi J.L.,

      On last year's show they had the altruistic blogger category. I don't blame you for not wanting to compete in this year's show.

      Have a peaceful weekend, my friend.


  • I'd like to think I can't compete in any of those categories, Gary, but if you need judges, let me know!

    • klahanie says:

      Hi Alex,

      I couldn't see you in any of those categories. Would you have time to be a judge on the show? Another clone, perhaps?

      A good weekend to you, my friend.