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Write-as-you-think-journal: entry

For today’s post I am posting an entry from my write-as-you-think journal. It won’t be much fun, seeing that I am not in such a funny mood—in fact, just the opposite. It is very difficult to write when you are in this kind of mood, but as I often tell myself, the mark of a writer is not how he or she writes on days when writing comes easy, but instead on days when pushing each word on to paper or the keyword is a long, hard struggle. Just a few days ago, I had one such day, most of which I spent alone: writing and re-rewriting the same three lines over and over again. And just when I thought I had got the best three lines at the end of the day, I forgot to save changes, and there I was, back to square one! But never mind, that is the point of a write-as-you-think journal, where you put in exactly what your mind dredges up at the minute. In fact, by some strange association, I have begun to think of death, of a day when I exist no more. But a part of me knows that a part of me is already no more. My cells have renewed over the years, my hair cells, my skin cells, the cells in my hair— none of them are the same as when I was born. They have divided, multiplied and changed beyond recognition. They have died a million deaths, witnessed a million births, and with every inhalation my body has seen a new birth and every exhalation a new death. The day this constant renewal is no more, I will be no more. But so much of me has already passed, and so much of me is to pass away. Despite myself, I often find these periods of acceptance, where I can see into the nature of life, and of death. If only these periods would become my constant state of mind.

Damyanti Biswas

Damyanti Biswas is the author of You Beneath Your Skin and numerous short stories that have been published in magazines and anthologies in the US, the UK, and Asia. She has been shortlisted for Best Small Fictions and Bath Novel Awards and is co-editor of the Forge Literary Magazine. Her literary crime thriller series, the Blue Mumbai, is represented by Lucienne Diver from The Knight Agency. Both The Blue Bar and The Blue Monsoon were published in 2023.

I appreciate comments, and I always visit back. If you're having trouble commenting, let me know via the contact form, or tweet me up @damyantig !

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  • rick says:

    Funny how we can enter a conversation in cybrespace, drift away, and then pick it up weeks later. I would love to read anything you have written. Please do provide links or email me something. I felt quite shy when I started posting a few months ago but it seemed that if I wanted to take my writing to the next level I was going to have to begin sharing. The response has been generally kind and feedback useful.

    As to death…I think of the song “o death” by ralph stanley

  • Jeques says:

    Yeah, I egree. For every day in life is a series of micro deaths and re-births. the question is, did we live or just die today?

    I wish you well.

    ~ Jeques

  • DG says:

    Thanks for the words of solace and wisdom, Paul, I really need them just about now. It is such a pleasure o have you back on my blog, and I do hope you come back as often as you can!

  • Paul says:

    First of all, you’re right to push ahead even on days when writing is drudgery or a chore. It’s like exercise, I guess. Weight-lifting, for example, builds muscle as you force your way through pain and cause minute damage to your muscle fibres. Yikes…I just re-read that -don’t let my analogy discourage you 🙂 I loved your reflections about the ongoing birth and death we experience between our actual birth and death. When we get caught up in these moods at certain periods in our lives, they can weigh on us a bit, but I will dare to predict that after death, while you may “be no more” in a cellular sense, you will continue on in a happy and more advanced state. Not a new idea…a strong hunch nonetheless 😉

  • DG says:

    Rick, I have been writing in bits and pieces.

    I am in the process of researching a novel, and for the most part have written a few shrt stories, flash fiction, and a whole lot of poetry, about which I am terribly shy.

    I can email you a link or two, or even some of the work if you like.

    But I am absolutely awkward about it:(

  • DG says:

    Thanks, Indigo. I am so so thinking about death right now, and hoping for a sense of acceptance to slowly find its way into my heart.

  • I see- I am kind of in limbo myself. I have too many oars in the water and trying to figure out where I should put my focus in order to better utilize my time.

  • rick mobbs says:

    Hi DG, where is that fiction you are aspiring to write? Any pieces or snippets or fragments we can read yet? I am sure you can write anything you put your mind to.


  • This is a lovely entry. I’ve been thinking about death quite a lot too lately…many deaths around me, my own aging self…

  • DG says:

    Well, more or less something on writers, and writing. Or even a writer website for myself.

    In a bit of a limbo at the moment, but slowly trying to drive traffic to my two blogs and experimenting with Adsense to see what I can learn.

  • Hi thanks for dropping by Chris Bloczynski dot com (you left a comment on my guest post). May I ask what kind of website you are thinking of starting?

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