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Are Chemistry and Compatibility mutually exclusive, or can they Co-exist?

Mina Lobo has been an awesome blog friend, I’m excited to have her guest post for me today! Romance is not my genre, but I read it every once in a while to punctuate my regular fare. Since this book is by an author-friend, it’s already on my TBR kitty. Take it away, Mina!

The Teaser:

“Hmmm, you’re getting possessive now,” Hecate said. “Hades must be thrilled.”

“I expect I have thrilled him, yes.”

“And has his magnificence aided you in reaching a verdict?”

At the reminder of her need to choose, Persephone lost her good humor. “Sadly, no. That is to say, I am happy to find we are compatible in that way.” She ignored the other’s snicker. “And I am developing an understanding of his character. He has both good and bad qualities, as do we all—”

“Speak for yourself.”

“—and I feel that, where our natures differ, we complement one another very well.”

“Then why are you undecided?”

“I don’t know.” Persephone shrugged. “But something does prevent me from binding myself to him.”

The above excerpt comes from my fantasy romance, That Fatal Kiss , set in a mythical Greece. In it, the heroine, Persephone, discusses her love life with her friend, the Witch Goddess Hecate (one of the few Immortals Hades considers a friend as well, and whom he permits to travel in and out of the Underworld freely).

That Fatal Kiss by Mina Lobo

That Fatal Kiss by Mina Lobo

In love with Persephone, but thinking she’d never return the sentiment, Hades ransomed her down to the Underworld to be his bride-queen. For her part, Persephone both resented, yet desired Hades, but eventually they managed to get past their initial friction to…ah…connect with one another. Ahem.

But Persephone’s mother, the goddess Demeter, searches for her, and it’s only a matter of time before Persephone will have to argue for either freedom or proper marriage to Hades. Thus the goddess is faced with a question many a gal has asked herself—How do you know if the dude you’re with is the fabled One created solely for you?

My sister, Star, and I recently discussed what draws us to certain guys and not others, and what’s led us to commit, where we have. I argued that, for myself, I need a bit of chemistry before I can even consider getting serious about a man. Star promptly told me that was nonsense, suggested that this isn’t a reliable method for securing one’s future partner/spouse, and that she’s had the best outcome in dating when she’s taken a more practical approach.
While I certainly appreciate her point (after all, once you get past the first flush of romance, you need an underlying friendship and basic liking of one another to keep the relationship afloat, and when pheromones cloud your vision, so to speak, it’s hard to see past the W00F! factor), I don’t agree that we shouldn’t hold out to feel that W00F! factor. I mean, if that’s important to us. If it is, why settle for life (or life-long coupledom) without it?

What do y’all think? Are chemistry and compatibility mutually exclusive of one another, or can they co-exist? If they do, is that the mark of The One? Or can that sexy chemistry follow a practical decision to date someone who doesn’t immediately float your boat? Tell us in the comments!

About the Book:  In That Fatal Kiss , life-giving Persephone seeks a mate but the goddess’ mother frustrates her plans. Then Hades, King of the Underworld, spirits Persephone away to rule with him below, as his bride. Yet, even as she awaits rescue, Persephone aches to be consumed by the fire in the dark lord’s immortal soul.

About the Author: Mina Lobo writes dark and whimsical romances, dodges the slings and arrows of her outrageous college-aged son, and feels compelled to do things in threes. She digs comedic horror, alternative rock, and Belgian chocolates.Visit Mina’s Web site, Some Dark Romantic, from September 24 – 29, for your chance to win an e-book copy of That Fatal Kiss!

Her blog: Some Dark Romantic
On Facebook: mina.lobo.1
On the Twitter: @GothMomLite
and GothMomLite Will Tumblr For Ya

Damyanti Biswas

Damyanti Biswas is the author of You Beneath Your Skin and numerous short stories that have been published in magazines and anthologies in the US, the UK, and Asia. She has been shortlisted for Best Small Fictions and Bath Novel Awards and is co-editor of the Forge Literary Magazine. Her literary crime thriller series, the Blue Mumbai, is represented by Lucienne Diver from The Knight Agency. Both The Blue Bar and The Blue Monsoon were published in 2023.

I appreciate comments, and I always visit back. If you're having trouble commenting, let me know via the contact form, or tweet me up @damyantig !

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  • Lauren Craig says:

    The way I see it, chemistry isn’t something you can really control but compatibility is. I have absolutely no relationship experience, so I may not know what I am talking about, but what I have noticed is that there are some people that you are naturally attracted to that you could never have a healthy relationship with. Compatibility is more of a conscious decision. It can come out of chemistry, but it is a separate entity.

  • This book sounds amazing! I will have to find it.
    As for my personal experience, the first two relationships I had, I paid more attention to the feral, sexy side of the spectrum, and ended up hurting. This was mostly because I was trying to change myself to make them like me. After that, I gave up entirely– only to find that third time’s a charm. Our relationship started off as a deep friendship, but we were both attracted to each other in one way or another. (He tells me that, even though my body type is the exact opposite of what he normally likes, he believes that I am the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen. After three and a half years, he still says that– whereas to begin with, I was not attracted to his looks at all, but rather the feel that I got from him. I was his first girlfriend, and his shy exposition was adorable. And yet, with him being such a goof-ball, it was/is hard to take him seriously.) So, initially, our relationship was built upon strong friendship. When we started to spend more time together, we became aware that friendship was definitely not all that we had. Now I find everything about him endearing, and we have such tender moments together, like getting up and dancing to random songs, playing in a band together, playing video games and other things together. Hell, he is my best friend– and yet so much more. There is nothing better in life than looking into the eyes of someone you almost didn’t give a chance and seeing something in their eyes that you thought you’d never see, and then just hugging until the tears of relief and love pass.
    Sorry if this was irrelevant, lol. Just got inspired to write and got carried away…

  • Mina Lobo says:

    Hi, Damyanti, just stopping by to thank you for hosting me on my blog tour!

  • isabelburt says:

    A very long question! I just popped in to say thank you for visiting my blog – perhaps Reuben and Felicity can give you your answer, one day!

  • dipali says:

    I believe both are necessary for healthy relationship chemistry and compatibility.

  • As you’ve said in the post, I think chemistry comes first and then compatibility – but the two definitely co-exist in the best of relationships.

  • Let’s just say hubby is a water sign and I’m a fire sign. I’ll let you figure that one out! LOL

    Mina, I loved the book! The writing is flawless and the story compelling! Congratulations!

  • I think it’s a combination, especially for a guy. We’re drawn to the physical first. Just how we’re wired. But there has to be compatibility or it’s meaningless. Because yes, the initial euphoria wears off and you darn well better like each other when that happens or the relationship is doomed.

    • Mina Lobo says:

      I know plenty of gals for whom the physical attraction comes first. But you’re right, gotta watch out for that initial euphoria! 🙂

  • Love the mythical characters, and the book cover is fabulous. Nice review.

  • I think they can co-exist but I but compatibility over Woof factor any day. Chemistry doesn’t matter if I can’t being in a room with you once no one’s getting it on. Your cover still amazes me Mina.

    • Mina Lobo says:

      Sheena-kay, that’s an excellent point. The “liking” factor is really so very important. And thanks for the cover compliment! 🙂

  • Great post, Mina. I have to believe they co-exist. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to explain why I’m holding out for it!

  • Kailijade says:

    I had never considered a romance where the Greek Gods come to life in such a way, I will have to read it.

  • Arlee Bird says:

    I think chemistry can be good, bad, or neutral. Combinations can be volatile, calming, or like water. I would equate chemistry with emotions, feelings, those things existing outside of the purely rational mind. Compatibility is more rational, thoughtful–something that can co-exist with feelings if that side takes heed. Compatibility typically is a growth issue that becomes more evident after the passing of some time.

    Wrote By Rote

    • Mina Lobo says:

      Compatibility as a growth issue – yes! I so agree. It’s so important to not let oneself be blinded by the “chemistry” and miss the potential lack of compatibility.

  • barbrowe says:

    Reblogged this on Barbara C Rowe Author.

  • I firmly believe that Chemistry and Compatibility can co-exist.
    Why do I believe that?
    I’ve spent years reading and studying about behavior, personalities, compatibility and even signs and basing my experiences and the experiences of people I know by integrating the knowledge I get from books and my experiences and their experiences.

    I’ve already met a lot of people I am compatible with and has good chemistry with me. It’s one of the best things ever happened. I’m great friends with them.

    I’ve already met someone where I have good chemistry with but without compatibility with him, we’re good friends and that’s all we’ll ever be.
    If you already know what it’s like to be with someone you have chemistry and compatibility with, it’s hard to replace chemistry or compatibility alone.

    It’s hard to find the person where you’ll have those that when people let there pheromones take over, despite the chemistry or connection and compatibility that exists between a man and a woman, I believe that you still need to do the practical approach which is for me is getting to know each other first, becoming friends, and let things develop.
    I don’t actually believe that you need years to get to know a person because in my experience I’ve realized lately that no matter how long you know someone, you can still expect the unexpected from them.
    I mean isn’t it that we try to get to know someone first as a prerogative to protect ourselves, to prevent from letting people in who might hurt us.

    • Mina Lobo says:

      I’m with you on the getting to know someone/becoming friends first, approach. I think all of my more intimate relationships began with friendships.

      • I believe that it’s important that they become friends first so their relationship can stand the test of time and besides I believe that the secret of a long lasting relationship is a strong foundation of friendship. 🙂

      • How long should it take for you to get to know someone? Because I used to think you need a lot of time to do that but now not anymore because from experience I’ve realized that no matter how I long spent time with someone, they still surprise me with a different side of them.

        • Mina Lobo says:

          I don’t know that putting a time limit on knowing someone makes sense. You can “know” a person for years (a work colleague, for example) but without any intimacy, even of the friendly variety, you probably only know one another on a very superficial level. I think it’s difficult to try to set time limits to these kinds of things. Perhaps all we really have to rely upon is our instincts about a person.

  • Wonderful guest post. Mina’s book sound fascinating. I’d like to think the 2 can co-exist.

    • thegreenbull says:

      I’m with Andrea on this one. On both counts. I think you can have both – it just requires a lot more patience and luck to find both qualities in a single person. And I will be reading your book Mina! And thanks Damyanti for featuring her!

    • Mina Lobo says:

      Thanks, Andrea. I like to think so, too! 🙂